The “Good Enough Mother”

Embracing Imperfections in Motherhood

Dr. Donald Winnicott, a renowned British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, introduced the concept of the “good enough mother” in the mid-20th century. His groundbreaking work suggests that infants do not need an idyllic, perfect mother. Rather, infants need a responsive enough, attuned enough, and present enough mother to foster their emotional development (Winnicott, 1953).

Winnicott’s theory remains as relevant as ever, offering reassurance to mothers as they navigate the immense pressures of motherhood.

What Is the “Good Enough Mother”?

Winnicott (1960) theorized that mothers naturally and inevitably experience subtle misattunements with their children. For example, a mother may misinterpret a child’s cues or be momentarily distracted. Rather than causing harm, these minor lapses are essential for a child’s development. These moments allow children to adapt to reality, build resilience, and develop a sense of independence all in the presence of their loving mother. 

Striving for Perfection is Counterproductive

Mothers are often bombarded with the unrealistic expectation that they must be endlessly present, perfectly attuned, and always “on.” This impossible standard not only fuels anxiety and guilt, but can also make it harder for mothers to be truly present with their children.

In reality, moments of misattunement are both inevitable and normal. It is normal for mothers to sometimes misinterpret a child’s needs, take time for themselves, and balance responsibilities both inside and outside the home.

Winnicott’s theory reminds us that perfection is neither necessary nor beneficial for a mother or child’s well-being. Secure attachment is not about constant, flawless presence—it is about the quality of interactions, not just the quantity (Bowlby, 1988). A mother who is emotionally available and engaged, even in shorter moments, can provide the secure base for a child.

Practical Applications of the “Good Enough Mother”

Embracing the good enough mother philosophy allows all mothers—whether stay-at-home, part-time, or full-time professionals—to recognize that their children do not need perfection. Sritiving for perfection may actually get in the way of a mother being loving, present, calm and steady for their child.

The “Good Enough Mother” theory allows mothers to embrace and accept their loving humanity, which more often leads to authentic, meaningful connection with their children.

References:

Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 34, 89-97.

Winnicott, D. W. (1960). The theory of the parent-infant relationship. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 41, 585-595.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.