Regulating the Nervous System: Simple, Everyday Strategies

While managing stressful jobs, parenting, or navigating our relationships, it is common for our nervous systems to become stuck in a dysregulated state. This might show up as constant scanning of your environment, heightened anxiety, feeling shut down, or a sense of disconnection. Nervous system regulation is the process of helping your body return to a state of safety, presence, and balance.

Below are some simple, evidence-informed strategies you can try to regulate and support your nervous system.

In sessions, we will often scan the body for signals of a dysregulated nervous system, and we can experiment with these strategies to find ones that resonate with your lifestyle and preference.

Nervous System Regulation Strategies

1. Deep, Slow Breathing
   Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, exhale through your mouth for 6–8 counts. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system and signals safety to the body.

2. Grounding Exercises
   Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

3. Gentle Movement
   Walking, stretching, yoga, or rocking can help release stored tension and re-regulate the body.

4. Cold Water or Splashing Your Face
   Brief exposure to cold activates the vagus nerve, which helps calm the nervous system.

5. Soothing Touch
   Place a hand over your heart or give yourself a gentle hug. Safe, intentional touch can reduce stress hormones and increase feelings of safety.

6. Co-regulation
   Spend time with a calm, trusted person or pet. Regulation is contagious — nervous systems attune to one another.

7. Hum, Sing, or Chant
   These vocal vibrations stimulate the vagus nerve and support emotional regulation.

8. Limit Stimulation
   Reduce noise, screens, or visual clutter when you're feeling overwhelmed.

9. Body Scan or Progressive Muscle Relaxation
   Bring awareness to different parts of your body and consciously release tension.

10. Spend Time in Nature
    Even just a few minutes outside can help calm the body and reconnect you with the present moment.

The “Good Enough Mother”

Embracing Imperfections in Motherhood

Dr. Donald Winnicott was a renowned British pediatrician and psychoanalyst that introduced the concept of the “good enough mother.” His groundbreaking work suggests that infants do not need an idyllic, perfect mother. Rather, infants need a responsive enough, attuned enough, and present enough mother to foster their emotional development (Winnicott, 1953).

Winnicott’s theory remains as relevant as ever, offering reassurance and coping mechanisms to mothers as they navigate the immense pressures of motherhood.

What Is the “Good Enough Mother”?

Winnicott (1960) theorized that mothers naturally and inevitably experience subtle misattunements with their children. For example, a mother may misinterpret a child’s cues or be momentarily distracted. Rather than causing harm, these minor lapses are essential for a child’s development. These moments allow children to adapt to reality, build resilience, and develop a sense of independence all in the presence of their loving mother. 

Striving for Perfection is Counterproductive

Mothers are often bombarded with the unrealistic expectation that they must be endlessly present, perfectly attuned, and always “on.” This impossible standard not only fuels anxiety and guilt, but can also make it harder for mothers to be truly present with their children.

In reality, moments of misattunement are both inevitable and normal. It is normal for mothers to misinterpret a children’s needs, take time for themselves, and balance responsibilities both inside and outside the home.

The “Good Enough Mother” theory reminds us that perfection is neither necessary nor beneficial for a mother or child’s well-being. Secure attachment is not about constant, flawless presence—it is about the quality of interactions (Bowlby, 1988). A mother who is emotionally available and engaged, even in short moments, can develop a secure base for a child.

Practical Applications of the “Good Enough Mother”

Embracing the good enough mother philosophy allows all mothers—whether stay-at-home, part-time, or full-time professionals—to recognize that their children do not need perfection. Sritiving for perfection may actually get in the way of a mother being loving, present, calm and steady for their child.

The “Good Enough Mother” theory allows mothers to embrace and accept their loving humanity, which more often leads to authentic, meaningful connection with their children.

References:

Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 34, 89-97.

Winnicott, D. W. (1960). The theory of the parent-infant relationship. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 41, 585-595.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.